Thursday, June 9, 2022

AMERICAN PSYCHO/"I HATE CHILDREN"--This post pertains to a PARADIGM and not to any individual *it also pertains to the sick contract out on me to provide a baby to someone who is part of a torture/rape/destruction of body/home/mind/spirit/sexuality technological sex and torture trafficking operation forced upon me by all presidents and at the present and it's "leaders" who act like sick and stupid psychopathic deranged clown children when they join the teleportation team venting their stupidity and violence upon me endlessly and for years every single day, thus exhibiting great buried psychological problems that they have covered with mannerisms equating, albeit, only superficially, to sophisticated maturity, their public seemingly controlled personas--all programmed, all with sublimated violence and rage stemming probably from their childhood(s). . The people who may see tmy words here and associate them with recent encounters, I only use these situations as basis for my point, not to point at these people but it's only symptomatic--their behavior--of the group to which they adhere and the responsibility and guilt that hangs upon this group as a whole to which children are being killed (i.e. in Texas recently)"Punk Music is for loserz because you're poor and a LOSER" shouted the snarling childish poseur, it's overgrown childish progenitor silently agreed and thought of the collection of EZ listening Jazz and elevator placebo effect musick-- which is a cultural must for the wealthy and their classical infatuation with all things European in the fascist wanna-be Nazified halls of conspicuous consumption destroying the planet wrapped in an environmental unravelling of entitlement. The guns are being passed out but the real deadly weapons the wanna-be aristocrats employ for their sex slavery trafficking/ murder/killing operations and genocides and holocausts are silent. They operate on frequencies of sleaze, selfishness and obedience to collective immaturity to amass all that they cannot with real confidence acquire through real effort due to their lack of mature capability and ethical and mature understanding. //CHILDREN SPEWED OUT FROM OVERGROWN CHILDREN I HATE WHO ARE HATEFUL.(Have a Nice Day and listen to your elementary EZ Listening Musick to calm your bouts of childish murderous rage in the wealthiest nation on Earth where the rich are training their children to kill because they have electronic murder weapons which are concealed by the children in power who listen to EZ Elevator Music to quell their hyena ape impulses).

 **Hacking and the brain-altering tech affecting my motor skills, so my hands would not move correctly, and my brain could not think, and the keyboard was so blocked I had to backspace and rewrite almost every other word, literally throughout this entire thing--the keys are so stiff I must pound down, etc)

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"ADOLESCENTS--I HATE CHILDREN". Crisp. October 20, 2016.






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Some punk (musack) is fun
Some is of political orientation best left to Schlager Musick
Some punk is violent
Some is dance-worthy in a mosh pit

But all have a political message wrapped in a succinct often humorous sardonic package of loud, fast and relief for pent-up emotions.

Don't belittle punk music if you are a musical elitist snob because
usually the music the most nasty of attackers I have met listen to emotional calming and suppressing music to smother the real hate they live with pent-up with fake smiles of entitlement and leisure for a class of people smug about their "superiority" over others just because, for example, they listen to "classical" music which is supposed to denote highest class and style possible on the planet.

This is just a weird perusal through a very diminished scale of pondering this morning, as I await the trial by fire and the lyrics to this song have some connection to my situation and to other recent situations involving children and the grown-up children whose weapons are not semi-automatic, which Congress is not worried about enjuf in The Senate, but those electronic weapons that are termed "non-lethal" and sonic mass control weapons which can kill or blast out ear drums that the public really has to be wary and terrified of--all coming from the wonderful "Democracy" and "Freedom" government of the United States and their fascist, Nazi and Mafia allies.

So to all you kiddies out there who have allowed your sense of responsibility to the nation, to the planet, and to your personal selves wither down into the most immature, puerile and unaccountable lack of responsibility.
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I heard this song "I Hate Children" this morning on a show from WNYU--due to the terrorists I believe co-opting this station--because it was very alternative when I first began listening to it, and as celebrities in charge of media affairs began to accumulate in this hate group of celebrity repressed immaturity teleportting with intention to terrorize and abuse me to death like kiddies enjoying torturing and the like of immature hate behavior in groups---which adults employ and children actually rarely partake in such violent murderous operations (contrary to what that book The Lord of the Flies depicts)--
I thought of the recent Texas shootings, and the teenager who just shot all those kiddies in what is obviously a race-based hate act, learned probably from his elders who are only rancid and more ossified in the flesh but have lost all their youth but cling to an immaturity to redefine their aging ossification (and I admit that when I deal with the terrorists I regress to a childish hate stage, because they are so childish--I appear as the crazy immature one because these actors and people in power have learned and been trained to conceal their very violent and psychopathic orientations, which become unhinged in ferocity when they have a chance to finally unleash their inner trauma-based childish fantasies upon someone else--and they vicariously live as the exploiter which probably they were forced to submit to, they are now very good and follow all instructions but can't wait to be the inquisitor and their childishness is of a most decaying stench of repression bubbling up from the cesspool of their subconscious desires to finally inflict whatever they can from their repressed childish trauma upon anyone else, anyone at all it won't matter who when this technology is passed around to more and more and more and more of these grown-up psychopathic immaturity hate reapers of society all put into highest positions for every business and affair.

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**Again, this musing/pondering about music and weapons and terrorism, wealth, government-sponsored mass weapons and corporate consolidation and etc...This was inspired perhaps by some people but not a direct representation of them. They only spurred this train-of-thought to various eddies of interconnectivity between what people espouse and what they really are doing when the music's over and all is silent. They keep silent about the silent weapons which can kill not a few people in a mass shooting spree, but an entire group can be decimated with a laser from a tank, electronic portable weapons can disarm and destroy and kill a person, melt brains, fuse cells, etc all due to this tech which all the celebrities in their mansions and the politicians are greedily, with childish glee at violently attacking me, somehow now turned into a symbol of hate for that group for various reasons. They all have various reasons, and I have to see just childish responses from people being handed murder and torture silent weapons by immature irresponsible leaders who are incapable of mature reasoning and administration.**

I see at least one of the terrorist celebrities who participated in this torture system forced upon me with all it's nascent murder and rape and terror applications being extremely vocal with a polished acting coached style to try to put various blocks to easy accessibility to weapons--background checks, etc he advises while he's a full participant in a covert technological mass murder/terrorism operation with new weapons while he remains silent about it, as he screams as loudly as the cameras can tolerate about how he cares about "Democracy" (meaning mob rule, Nazis and Mafia ruling through death squad mobs, and that is only and exactly what this bigot celebrity from Texas and all those participating really are pushing for while trying to block sales of hard weapons on the shelves. Since I am a government-sponsored target of terrorism, I am probably not able to purchase a gun due to the labels administrators placed upon my record due to having applied for disability years ago and mentioning various facts which had nothing to do with me personally but with my family which is also a huge component of this terrorist operation--I may never be able to arm myself to defend myself through legal means, because the government doesn't want me to be able to defend myself at all against any and all assailants part of this huge government-funded and supported terrorist operation which is expanding into society at a rapid pace by now)--all the "elite" and well-controlled celebrities and politicians are keeping silent. All the weapons of mass murder albeit technological silent weapons, are so silent about this terror technology. They may lambast the blast of whatever they hate about my music, which they co-opt by buying out the formerly underground radio station and turn it into their mu-sick, easy listening alternative, mind-placating drone. Taking over my radio station and turning it into a quantized music magazine Fox News Blues machine of suppressing questioning and meaning) and dulling the mind, body and soul but seemingly fun and alternative--

The terrorist celebrities are loudly in front of the same Congress which is funding and passing out these silent weapons of mass murder, rape, torture and destruction such as all the through-wall torture technologies, the brain-altering tech which makes being calm, cool and critical analytical and capable in public situations impossible--(my voice becomes altered due to the microchip implant, I become giggly, loud and out-of-balance as people surround and attack me).

The celebrities absolutely pushing for these silent and covert weapons are openly fighting gun proliferation and want background checks and such for all the people they want to really disavow (won't get into theorizing about what mind control and microchip implants these celebrities really are helping Congress to pass into mass major distribution by their favorite Nazi/Mafia/Minion death squad covert co-opting and black-ops psy-ops groups they all order all the terrorism through--as their proxy agents).

They all support this--listening to that plastic-surgery EZ listening calming music for the genteel, well-practiced polished celebrity promotions vying for political positioning and power-. This dude from Texas who is a most nasty bigot and sex offense participant, shouting to Congress to pass background checks, etc-he's teleported me as well with the other rapists and abusers and Mafia bigot murdering haters--calling me or insinuating that I am some "prostitute" while it's he and the rest who are the whores and not me--I am a victim of crimes and mind control, as they perhaps are as well, but I am not turning the victimization or anything else upon others as they all are, very happily, and engaged in this every day for years or keeping silent about it. You can bet this actor I refer to loved Huey Lewis and the News, Phil Collins and Whitney Houston as well as jazz bake-your-brain classical and other calming Girl from Impanema style pre-orgy music for the elite who want to crush and break people into desperation and poverty and for them to really just shoot each other into death and provide more lebensraum for themselves; and the silent weapons that sick, pontificating sex-offender version of H-wood rapist Catholic Priesthood--a psychological psy-ops expletive--is endorsing are as deadly as assault-style weapons being sold in stores so the GDP can expand and corporate consolidation of power and death squads can organize.

Everyone knows anyway that ghost guns are a serious problem, as are all the problems that Congress has allowed all these years.

You can bet the very same celebrity has an arsenal of weapons in his home, not excluding his newly acquired acquisition to mind control, and microwave death and torture technology and all the other covert silent weapons he loves to have within reach to brainwash and order all kinds of crimes that are concealed with full applause of Congress.

Well, I'm sure they all listen to all these pop songs and love to go to the classical concerts to display their diamonds and wealth along with their other co-conspirators while outside the rioters are the minions they rely on to do their dirty work--outside wearing their loser clothing and their loser mobile homes and their loser homelessness who will do ANYTHING to get out of their ruts and the violence the elite undoubtedly are happy to inflict upon them through their silent power plays. The minions only reflect the violence of those who oppress them, as I see every day in this terror operation it truly is a "trickle down" operation of power to the lowest level, but operating on a horizontal plane of immaturity and childishness and violence, greed and explosive death impulses.

The poorer people, the "losers", the hate when they are handed weapons is extreme, as it is at top levels but quelled by the EZ listening to entitlement they all flock to in the halls of plenty. The poor, what they expose is explosive. Perhaps the pawns and the minions all listen to whatever violent disposition music, even some fast hardcore Nazi punk--gang bang or rock n roll cock rock to titillate those hormones for the inevitable violent explosion at the end of the song--which is the same as the bang at the end of most classical pieces for the wealthy and the exclusive. I know this all sounds like a kind of "Marxist" style analysis. However, it's based on observation of being at these various levels of attack and seeing the Trickle-Down effect, and that is all. It is simple analysis of actual observation, not a socio-political orientation that I am induding in this rant. I am not Progressive or anything on any side or level---I am excluded by all the Parties and all the Parties, like my radio station, have been co-opted by this hate organization which controls both "Left & Right" of the political Party spectrum.

I refer more specifically as something I advocate or like as music, once in a while, I have a broad range of music I listen to and enjoy--to the type of punk which questions and posits and makes light of serious ideas that are otherwise unpopular, such as what I write in almost every blog and get tortured for.

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"AMERICAN PSYCHO--HUEY LEWIS/PHIL COLLINS/WHITNEY HOUSTON". littlebostonnews. April 6, 2009.


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**I always have to add more that my brain has been blocked from accessing, although I "think" of these ideas while I am backspacing and rewriting every word or other word and my brain is under attack by brain-altering tech, I lose all the thread of conscious deliberation and can't get past a few ideas, and then go into tangents while hackers delete commas (I had to completely rewrite one such huge paragraph above, where all commas had been deleted and words deleted to create a nearly disorganized string of concepts tied together but with crucial junction words gone, so it was a chaos and mostly unreadable.
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I call the celebrities teleporting and raping, or being enablers,   WHORES because not only are they being PAID for RAPE---which literally is a form of prostitution, they are selling their rape and sexual activity for payment, thus the exchange of money for sex makes them literally prostitutes. In addition, their behavior is so lewd, which they are told associates them with entitlement, based on older aristocratic versions of dehumanization particularly of those in lower socio-economic levels then they are--the entitlement, which is characteristic of how to treat those who are "upstarts" or "bad" or don't immediately accept authority or for whatever rationale they all use against me--don't know, I would suggest racism and sexism are at the heart, but their behavior with all the decades of debauchery behind them probably include many of the same Blonde types that are in this clip--you can make a few associations such as the latest public trial and the subsequent witch hunt operation of the public for the most part in defending the white male against the blonde woman who accused him of violence and sexual assault. Oh, how the majority of the H-wood women in the "I'm the most beautiful" Nazi clique of white supremacist rape and dehumanization criminality--now dancing in delight as this tech and organized mutilation/murder/rape global operation ensures they can attack without any resistance anyone who is a threat to white bigot male rape culture supremacy
but going on a tangent--trying to include this in the "immature" category of children who are hateful who retain their adolescent looks through vigorous plastic surgery modifications every few months.

They act like whores, they are whores, prostitutes being paid to either collaborate with or become rapists using teleportation and drugging and mind control, microchip implants and all the other arsenals of violence that "cool" dudes like that technology celebrity are fully assisting in implementing for the massive Nazi/Mafia take-over of the planet, now coming into full culmination of decades of "experimentation" and planning and research and development; this envelopment of the planet extending into satellites in space to fully enmesh the air-tight global fence keeping people in place and or destroyed.
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They all listen to EZ calming music for their orgies and etc. I can guarantee that is probably the music, or really horrid pop music which appears as being alternative but instead has co-opted the real questioning artists who are silenced or kept out or killed, if they reach too many people and make them stray from the general quantized score that is being played out subliminally for silent acceptance to a tune that the piper is dog whistling out to the public for obedience and non-thinking --sometimes the followers are just kept as pets, if they are "lucky".

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"LUCKY'S SPEECH WAITING FOR GODOT". LazBrezer. January 2, 2013.


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Another addition after half hour of being away from the laptop and the brain-altering influence exerted as I sit in this one spot: I was gouged last night with mechanical arms cutting into my finger cuticle, underneath the nail--the nails were black and then green from insertions of metal and then fungus every single day--for years this was done. I forgot to add one layer of the three layers I already use on my hands, last night, because I was very ill and tired from detox--I also am still being drugged somehow while sleeping in addition to being --every single day--mutilated in some way. I respond with these posts, and then the information is gleened for ideas that the terrorist whore celebrities can use for their output about how wonderful and caring and loving, humanitarian and fighting for "Democracy" not just in America but also for the entire Universe! And it is never stopped. Their blank and empty mindsets are endlessly thus filled with ideas gleaned off this nightly and daily torture which they add to the programmed formulas that keep sustaining white supremacy, racism, hate, death culture, mobbing, and celebrity iconography of people you would never buy a used car from if you met them in person and they were trying to sell you something....

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Extreme drugging/nervous system attacks via implants along my spine & into my brain--8 hours of literal non-stop abuse from this English And nazi team of another senator from congress, the same rape enabler who is the front-runner face of anti-violence against women and me2 rape culture to oust the jewish weinstein so her company and the rest can overtake h-wood --antisemitism so openly expressed that obviously Nazis and virulent racists are behind this contract out on me. My brother stating that only I will experience violence, with his full participation and that Germans are trustworthy not racists it can't happen to him. for using sexual and physical violence against me instantly after more than 30 years of never having seen him, never contacting him except for him smirking about a situation the nazis forced on me, he is lunging at me to gain more promotions and allowance to get everything for free for handing me over to murder, essentially. Me, drugged so badly I cannot stop reacting to every question, hours of asking me for ideas as the English scriptwriters and director and the endless leech parasite this ugly sinister putrid creep female who is endlessly pushing violent beef-body-build "men" out of europ-a-land to violently rape me, the more abusive and humiliating the more they are praised and awarded; she is the representative for the United Nations and for Chuck Schumer in all legislation against rape and domestic violence against women. Put deliberately there really to give permission for rape if it's racist-based rather than anything else. beloved so greatly by the grateful rapist thugs surrounding her, the minority minions lavishing praise making antisemitic comments at me--Jews in particular are very hostile and laughing smirking it can only happen to me, not them. The drugs are so insidious that are injected pumped into my bladder while I sleep--must get up every night to alleviate what they inject so I am drugged--it is a nasty horrific murderous chemical and drug forcing hate, along with extreme shifts of my brainwaves I can't even control my breathing--my entire spine is coated in hard chemicals in which microchip implants directly affecting my spine are buried from the 3 complete surgeries I have had---(the hardening poisons made my spine crooked, the terrorists fractured my vertebrae while I was unconscious after they orchestrated mostly harmless "accidents' and in the deep brain implant state, I am rendered completely unconscious and unable to feel anything (drugged to the extreme the next morning with pain killers and numbing chemicals). 8 hours another day of this ongoing with me finally screaming in rage fighting and hitting the people responsible for this--the senator who came years ago to abuse yell fascistically at me, now threatening my life for having rushed to physicall attack him after shouting to go away go away go away. They all remain until I rush at them lunging in fury. The dirty nasty sick female who is connected to the English monarchy has been relegated to bring every fascist nazi english abuser and hater to assault me possible in the celebrity zone, there are so many---all are clamoring to get this contract and to participate from all minorities in congress who rush at me violently to white supremacist congress haters--this one very close to the source of much discontent for those slated to be excluded from life in general---very pompous about his entitlement to torture have me raped and poisoned, they all are. My brother smug and behaving like I am still being beaten and abused by him at the age of 14 when I left the hate situation my family had adopted because my mother was trying to get "in" with an "Italian" but American married man, the "Italians" in this tiny family-controlled cul-de-sac had installed mircophone relay systems so they could listen to my family abuse me (this was in 1978 before the internet) my brother was so violent I phoned the police and left that house the next day--forever. I saw him a few times, I had the blank mind controlled drugged assumption that he had "grown up" but alas, he lives in the perpetual abuse state having ensured I am stuck everywhere I go as he is promoted for endlessly ensuring my destruction, lack of health care. My family offered me an inheritance in a creep way 2 years ago, I saved the money but declined to have any further contract with them as they were abusive just in connecting me to the lawyers distributing the inheritance (I got the absolute lowest amount of all members)--and this they used to have social security cut off my income and it's been off for 6 months while I am fighting to have it reinstated and they worked with the 4th Reich to have this done. I was screaming at him in rage, as the hate parasitic rape cheerleader who is beloved by all senators presidents her sleazy and disgusting 16 years of stealing my ideas so her blank and hateful lack of personality can be embellished by my years and lifetime of reading and study, so that nazi white supremacy can appear like it has originality and any kind of creativity outside of endless repetition of murder revenge and upcommance plots which they rotate every year in their awards categories, until they latched on to stealing my ideas, and now torturing me as I scream ideas because they are so revolting their image their ugly sinister presence is so revolting--and I cannot stop responding instantly to their endless probing questions intermixed with extremew murder threats and then inquisitive questions and every thing I do, from going to the bathroom eating taking healing powders all my exercises for healing I created they are stealing and using as their own invention; so much that I do is original and not a copy I learned, they are stealing torturing and asking for ideaws literally non-stop. I cannot stop talking I can't stop responding. the drugs, my body is like enmeshed in not being able to breathe independently the technology and drug interface is so overwhelming. The smug and smirking dirty ugly sick skank sits smiling as I scream and fight for the 2nd year in a row of literal daily screaming and rage at English hate bigots assaulting me for over 8 hours per day--0the rapist who beat tortured and mutilated me, has had my plants killed is threatening my life then making sleazy sexual comments, sitting next to this foul and dirty ugly sick creep skank always they are partners probably as with all the men who rape me she tries to suck my life force energy out by having sex with them as well. Some of them at least--they sit next together all the men who rape me next to her, after she has had me poisoned nearly to death, still fighting to heal every day. My body aging rapidly she is laughing, the men make endless sneering comments about my breasts while I am naked as they sit for hours watching and commenting on all I do. Once i finally "break" after the 6-8 hour mark of literal non-stop literally every single second for over 6 to 8 hours without a moment of them shutting up for one single second with death trhreats abuse insults and probing questions I scream finally to shut up and die I scream hit them rush violently. It is torture and the senators are smug threatening to kill me constantly for lunging at them screaming to get off me to fuck off that they have already been killing me via poisoning and torture for years. It goes on and on. I might be able to "ignore' them if they were not drugging me so severely and my body racked with implants along my spine forcing a reaction that overwhelms my breathing and concentration--the implants are definitely in my brain and along my spine---without a doubt they force my muscles to spasm while people are slamming doors--the effect is unmistakable and has happened for years in this same sequence I do not flinch at noises like this, it is artificially created generated and forced upon me. They are so ugly and appear so rancid rotten stupid ugly and sick I scream that they are disgusting that I never want anything like them around me not for a minute much less 8-10 hours per day,e very day, then stupid sick teleportation skits of hate death and homelessness and me being abused, being put in stupid situations in an "edit" mode so I am waking to being in some negative situation in the middle of a posture I never created, like a movie edit stopping and starting my consciousness can be started and stopped with a press of a button in that state.//I am trying to work a way to not be overwhelmed, because these filthy sick creeps are meaningless scum in my opinion but I react as if I can't stop, and I literally cannot. //I ordered a music player and they blocked everything possible for every music player--this one supposedly came with no memory but they had it jacked-up so the memory is invisible but it is hacked and is turned off remotely like all the rest of the players they continue the death and torture deep sleep states. My body is aging my hair greying my body withering because of the energy this ugly sick skank sucks out smiriking and laughing. They keep asking me for ideas then destroying my finances so I have nothing. I am still waiting for the decision from social security whether my disability payments will be reinstated or not. They lied to me for 6 months, my family had my inheritance taken away and then my disability as well; this was a ploy it was not some random accident and they just arrived when I was being violently raped by the last lrapist from europigapeland with ugly skankalina presiding as they "made love" to each other sitting next to one another attacking me mutually--now it's the next one, the same thing but his English is much better so his verbal abuse is for 10 hours or more per day--endless extreme violent threats, violent abusive ugly rape, supposedly implying that I "deserve" it for fighting to save my life from this. My brother doing everything he can to protect the 4th Reich and that only I wil lbe a victim of any racism never he. I went into, in truth serum drugged torture microchip enhanced stress hate truth serum mode how nazis are definitely pursuing another genocide against jews and in america they want to pour in and create nazification of the already nazified and ocmpletely overtaken america by europigape nazi filth, and I am trying to quell this as much as possible. The denial is pure stupidity this ugly sinister creep I want nothing to do with, he creeps me out I am so disgusted by him it's a visceral reaction of disgust--and his smug pomposity that he's going to get more and more and more out of murdering me smiling stupid sick ignorant--denying that nazis are taking power that they want to destroy jews. I keep shouting how stupid he is, he threatens to break my arms. If there is, as I said today, any person the most violently and murderously inclined towards me it will be my family--as they are so groomed to murder me and have been working to achieve this with full applause endless promotions money poured into them as being symbols of jewish nazi partnership---they are the most threatening and the most dangerous--and so sick and stupid it's unbelievable trying to explain how they are putting nazis into power who will take away their homes if they want lebensraum--all I say they deny and shout with whining insult that I am stupid--I remind them that I lived in Germany for over 5 years because they were trying to kill me by having a metal rod made loose in my spine so my uncle bill could get "permission" to publish his gay magazine echo in Phoenix so they had me body fractured so I had no choice but to return to them, asking for help and health care--they made sure I got nothing they tried to put me in prison for a charge of theft of jewelry (I had no car, the situation was at night miles away from me with no car and buses all stopped and etc) and they had just killed the italian american mafia thug my mother had married talking the same night he died on the day he was leaving her and the house they had jointly purchased he wanted to save since he poured the bulk of the deposit from his money--and etc.. in a murder frenzy they were--I left with a metal rod loose in my spine and had to try to survive this until I left america for germany in 1991--I told him that i had to go to germany for years to try to survive the last murder attempt they had made on me, and I speak german lived around germans only speaking german met nazis know their mentality they have not changed their edicts to kill all jews and jews in america are a target. Told I was a stupid bitch death threats and it can't happen to him, only to be because i'm a "bitch" etc my disgusting brother and his nasty spawn brought to torment me, completely programmed to ask me "why" germans are intent on another genocide, which I said to him a few days ago, he was given a script for what to repeat so the english fuckers sitting on those chairs could steal the screaming ideas I spewed out unable to stop reacting--smug ugly shitalina smiriking adn smug the violent abusive fardy the tom actor not a cat or cool sitting next to his "Lover" as I know that is the endless program of dirty energy leech shitalina--and it goes on and on> I am trying to not react bvut when I do react after the 6 hour mark I become violent to get them off me, then they all threaten my life and it goes on and on--information and ideas they are taking down as I scream them and scream and fight. My hair turning white my body aging and breaking it's murder. I am still paralyzed from the poison they all poured into my body as they had the poison raped into my body and then torture so I can't heal--it's murder.