Sunday, March 20, 2022

There's one of the celebrities who I occasionally do a search engine thang for just becuz it's a bit fun (is it healthy?). I use this as a thermometer of sorts for my situation. But my brain, being under such ominously distorted states due to external forces, picked up this memory out of my brain-memory bank and it just came to me--a song out of the 70's I would hear from WLS out of Chicago when I lived in Champaign (got reception all those miles away on my little radio in my bedroom). I had given up at that point on classical violin and wanted to be part of the "fun" music that "everyone" was getting hip to. I now recall a movie and book (I read the book, didn't get through the movie) called Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

 "Helen Reddy--Delta Dawn Music Video". YazerPro. February 12, 2009.




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But DELTA DAWN (now realizing this title also has significant symbolism but won't go into that detail right now): the song that just popped into my brain and memory is not linked to my opinion of the male actor, the association came with all the videos on YouTube that are crazy fan stuff---obsessive/compulsive drooling for a celebrity, for example--and other ideas I won't write about in the personal domain.

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...and my 2nd association from floating but associated ties to the fan-base idolatry of celebrity brings to mind the great character of Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations--again, the book brings more detail but the film versions bring the character a bit to light. Ah, what a fantastic beast Miss Havisham has created in the general but perhaps forgotten literary and film landscape. This also has personal associations with the ideas floating through my mind of this weird situation foisted upon me with being teleported to "them"--as I watch the fan stuff on YouTube, the gossip and the posturing charitable photo-op stuff of the celebrities who couldn't give a damn about the issues unless it involves some kind of profit or fame for them and their most cherished careers. But Miss Havisham and Delta Dawn are both adoring the YouTube videos (featuring every day with a fan base of millions this most famous male/one who women kneel in devotion to, some women I mean. Also men, of course).


"Great Expectations 'Miss Havisham' Mertida Hunt, 1946". Cool Guy. May 28, 2017.



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...and this song comes to mind---not because of the NAME in the title but because of the song--(I had forgotten the title of the song and the name of the woman for whom Ms. Reddy is singing) but the weird crescent moon hanging over a dying swamp is the term I might use for the technologically obsessed---I heard this song out of Chicago, over 200 miles south in Champaign and I tried to understand it with a 12-year old mind but could not grasp the sordid waste of life that Ms. Reddy was singing about---the video, though, is quite the subliminal because in the first scene of a city scene is a most clear and defined phallic symbol building--almost clearly obscene--I think media is more adept at hiding such clues at this point. But it wasn't really meant or intended to be so hidden anyway---it has a direct bearing on this theme and of the not so veiled obsession with "big city" pipe dreams and men and love and media addiction devoid of reality---(or is addiction the ultimate reality?)


"Helen Reddy--Angie Baby Cartoon". LukeDuke908. February 19, 2012.



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But as a little aside: here's to Ms. Helen Reddy and her contribution to the real feminist marches, meetings and fights that women have had to undergo all these years of protest--I AM WOMAN

hear me roar, baby! Maybe? A lady? Shady? 

"I Am Woman--Helen Reddy". Sophie Othilla Ngo. January 18, 2013.


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"Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) clip". Films 411. September 20, 2016.






This brings back a very different memory of me and my grandmother marching in a protest to keep abortion legal. This march was in the streets of Phoenix, Arizona around the mid-late 80's. My grandmother and I had our arms around one another while marching amongst the protesters in the middle of a long train of women marching for abortion rights to continue. Strangely this was one of the few circumstances where me and my g-ma actually embraced for more than a few seconds (she was a bit distant and very controlling--maybe a bit like a Miss Havisham but in connubial bliss with my endearing grandfather who devoted his life and everything to her, and it was mutual but I know she cheated on him and he still loved her for it. They loved one another for more than 50 years like the best of friends and devoted to their deaths). She was loving but not a doting type (my mother called her a kind of "super bitch" personality). She kind of taught me the "hard way" not to get involved with the creeple that the Nazi organization flew into my path with my brain inundated with "gravy" mind control ooze mostly all my life. She kept admonishing me to pick better men but in a whiney way which kept me on my toes--endlessly looking for Mr. Goodbar and now I've given up on looking for the elusive ultimate deadly abuser fantasy (must see but mostly must read the book Looking for Mr. Goodbar to understand my drift, can you DIG IT?).

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"5 Easy Pieces--Stand By Your Man--Tammy Wynette". HD Film Tributes. June 22, 2021.




This song, and this movie 5 Easy Pieces come to mind in this miasma of memories associated with looking up celebrity fascination on the tube circuit pumped directly into your brain and heart---themes of feminism. Oddly, the woman who played the "feminist/independent" character who Mr. Nicholson lent one of his homes to, promising her that he would never kick her out, once she reached that untenable age he did, indeed kick her out. I don't know what happened to her since I assume she got over very well--maybe I'll look it up.... But the film 5 Easy Pieces is, in part, a depiction of the fantasy good girl wifey woman who dotes on her husband and every tear waiting to drop at the slightest hat falling the cliche perfect woman-as opposed to the 70's version of the New Independent Woman who could stand on her own (maybe to buy and purchase her own house? However now that I understand the good ole Mr. Goodbar Network I know that women being blocked from obtaining financial freedom is a thing and for real, dude. At least for me becuz I'm supposedly "dangerous" and very bad and the list of hate terms for me is endless according to the people using subliminals to drain my brain of all positive reinforcement about who an what I am--thus carried-on by the teleporting terrorist mind screw operators out of H-wood, the celebrities who seem to gain money from their exploits playing the freedom loving women but support male domination oppression to an extreme degree of violence when it comes to me, as they also participate in the violence, ostensibly to prove to the male-dominated media industry controlled, I assume, by men largely and the women who support misogynist woman-hating culture.

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"Tammy Wynette--Divorce (lyrics)".  Lee Westwick. September 6, 2012.





At least d-i-v-o-r-c-e is still legal....women who want independence still have a chance to not be as enslaved but mentally they remain cloistered and supporting cheerleaders for male abusive relationships---





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Social Security SSI Disability illegally cut off by the stench filth of arnold gavin and rump muck and the nazi coalition of whorewood who have made hundreds of MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IF NOT BILLIONS FROM HAVING STOLEN MY IDEAS--not paying anything and then destroying what I do have, then taking away sub-poverty social security because I am the only person in the united states fighting racism rather than playing a game of pretending and dancing around with posturing speeches and stupid songs and movie fodder k-rap, the rest look on doing nothing that is why rump came to power and then again without any resistance. //Otherwise, 6 years of grad school and all attempts to earn money literally blocked while paralyzing me with poison and abuse and drugging every day--trying to obtai money from a GoFundMe account & is it BLOCKED no resopnses it is hacked from general view; this has happened when I tried to earn money online my url is blocked from the internet upon a url activity search I have decoded their total block of any activity (including my blogs and facebook posts only met by enemies looking to murder rape torture whatever they can get away with to get their failing careers back into the nazi orbit. Shitnigger arnold and dirty nazi gavin one facing extinction for years until he got his chance to prove he's really a nazi kgb agent torturing me without end and bringing as many gold digger scum like nancy pig-lousy and then gavin scum old boy onto his nazi payroll thusly he is holding an "environment" conference which is a front for nazi endorsement of yet another obama nazi replica to put more white nazi wall street investors into the money destroying the investments of the lower ranks and with the aid of nazi republicans killing people using social security as an excuse---my ideas furnishing stupid ugly ape arnold with so much clout to enter back into whorewood his violence is endless death threats for not allowing him or his nazi jewish and black partners to abuse me without me responding in self-defense while they are drugging me with truth serum and abusing me into my brain non-stop all day and night until I do react--they spend hours abusing me until I do react just to justify more violence and it is a never-ending domestic violence cycle--ask shitnigger arno0ld's former wife if that rancid fuck she divorced is abusive as hell when the sexual "fun" and games are boring and he has to actually be anything but a rancid "me only" scumbag as he is programmed to be: thusly...under your gaze and silence and protection of that group of shit filth: Stinking sprays on my clothing ordered by the stench of arnold the sick fuck-ni88er termini88er nazi filth---who is using (perhaps...in part) my concepts of saving environment to push his nazi inclusion in american politics as his "platform"---his stench is conveyed onto my property just as his ILLEGAL VIOLENCE against me (i.e.lifting me up in "teleportation" while I am literally on the toilet grasping my abdomen due to the black horrific poisons I have spent 30 years fighting to eliminate from my body which this dirty ugly thug scum parasite calling himself "superior" has ordered put in because me being able to compete might mean his blank ugly dirty nazi mentality is lacking and void of originality as is he--thusly stealing my ideas and then having me slowly killed serves his nazi concepts perfectly--unfortunately supplied and protected by the demo-rat party of california old boy gavin scum and the nazi obamas the deception of which is still protected because they so fully support white nazi nationalism but are "actors" proclaiming how hip and not racist they are (not): thusly, with them all, they informed Social Security to literally change my status from "suspended" to NO BENEFITS they also illegally issued "benefits ended" (sorry can't remember the exact official term but not 'suspended" meaning can be reinstated but completely gone). They are yelling at me, the white nazi bigots who are answering my many phone calls about how and why and why have I not received any mail information on why benefits were cut off only being yelled at lied to and abused by phone--their only method of communication under orders of the obamas the trumps the dirty shitni88er arnold still controlling CA politics the pipeline of Nazi gold holocaust derived is ruling America and the Engllish crown equivalent as well; however, the lying yelling abusive people answering the SSA main line number demand with "suggestions" that I go in person to a field office to get the answers rather than THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT OF THEM REQUIRED IT IS LAW TO SEND ME INFORMATION informing me of t he situation what must be done. The former rules of demanding people go in person were changed under the Biden administration (partially due to Covid) thusly mail is preferred and they have cut down on social security so mail is the real preferred method of communciation which THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO COMPLY WITH. Simply lying and lying to me by phone refusing to send me any letters about my situation and ILLEGALLY demanding I go in person but yelling--literally yelling with hate and fascist abuse--that they "suggest strongly" that I go in person--asking me a spate of interragatory questions about the status of my case which were questions I would have to look up to get the precise dates and informtaion but on a main line call when I was trying to change my address because they wrote it incorrectly--assuming I would phone back--then yelling that because I answered one question one month wrong (after 15 months of my benefits being cut off) the white woman yelled "I can't verify your identity you must go in person to a field office I SUGGEST" I told her that firstly changing my address by phone does not require me to go in person to a field office, and that it was protocol for SSI recipients to phone in address change in fact it's their policy and recommendation--she screamed literally yelling "I will tell you what protocol is" as i hung up at that point. I told her that they need to send me mail so I can get information she told me that I have to spend all my money before they would consider and that I would have to goin person--absolutely ILLEGAL and not policy by LAW. In person as they have done by phone they will lie, once the lie is solidified as if it were an official meeting they can just write the terms and conditions and then have me arrested for one slip-up I made which I cannot help I had to SAVE MY L IFE FROM BEING POISONED and I had to leave thusly that is all they have and they are lying and illegally demanding improper protocol denying me information ILLEGAL all done by old boy gavin scum governor of ca and the shit whore ape former CA gov arnold shitnigger trash who is such a foul and stinking lack of american values you all worship due to the energy of just stealin raping killing and robbing and then abusing anyone who can't fight back into "submission" that's all it takes---it's spread like a virus california hails that prick scum and his acolyte dirty nazi gavin old boy scum the lying fake smiles of the pig ape creeps and their illegal money schemes is what people really gravitate towards. I remain with my status literally blocked, the benefits cut off since February 2025 the man doing it in miami literally demanded I go in person to their office pay with cashier's check all my bank account balance (covid money stimulus payments and student loans) which are exempt. Telling them that these are exempt under law they yell abuse and just cut my money and refuse to send letters THEY ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO SEND for a repayment schedule. They sent me a payment schedule without identifying anything other than a financial amount---not completely legal as they are supposed to let me know if benefits will be reinstated. I paid two months then never hearing anything I filled out economic hardship forms requesting from the California field office which dirty old scum gavin instructed, which they did quite happily it was a white nazi creep woman and then the usual california and american plantation system of minorities following orders, the more down they were on the ladder (in this case, Asians) the more sneering with lying contempt they had in their voices to get approval for the nazi slicing of employees out of social security this was their means of proving they will lie and kill people upon order by cutting off their survival money if they are not approved of by shit like old boy scum gavin who yelled "I don't want people like you in my State" so it's HIS State not a United States entity but HIS state--his control with arnold telling that rancid scum gavin what to say and do to become "president" all will be rigged. Since ugly dirty arnold grabbed with his filthy snorting sucking body and system onto this contract that ugly stupid rancid fuck has had people threaten my life repeatedly he has done it repeatedly has abused insulted punched raped and brought in at least 300 or more people to abuse me in just the last 2 months--that ugly rat roach parasite leech has since opened an "environmental" bullshit conference in his native Austria to sell off black nazi kamala harris as the puppet of the obama nazi uncle tom aunt jemima tap dancing team lovingly smiling with adoration into the faces of every rapist nazi-spewing shit white trash filth bucket out of germany and austria possible with ice cube and snoop dogg just violently abusing me on cue as well for years and YEARS AND YEARS. thusly, because I have actually fought against racism I am now cut off disability ILLEGALLY it is not illegal or against SSI rules to save covid money or student loans but they can just lie and yella t me and do whatever they want under this filth shit team. I moved they refuse to send a letter stating I have moved as such---they have literally taken off any benefits as me being a recipient on the SSA website after refusing to even respond to my economic hardship letter request zero letters with zero information BECAUSE THEY ARE OPERATING ILLEGALLY AGAINST THE LAW against me under orders of rancid stink stench arnold ugly filth trashnigger fuck and the obamas you all worship for their acting skills but still putting white wealthy above all but handing the poor a few little crumbs which are taken away instantly when their good friends the white nazis take power--promising if you just re-elect their pupet skank prostituted shit kamala with oprah and gyrating skank nasty dirty nazi black trash cardi b and j-lo and the rest of that shit nazi crap black circus and the "liberals" all will be hunky dorey and arnold will get more millions and control more politicians through the nazi gold pipeline all law will be only tendered for all who comply with being humiliated raped people l ike cardi b have been honored for selling black nazi plantation sex slavery honored endlessly as "freedom".