Sunday, March 20, 2022

There's one of the celebrities who I occasionally do a search engine thang for just becuz it's a bit fun (is it healthy?). I use this as a thermometer of sorts for my situation. But my brain, being under such ominously distorted states due to external forces, picked up this memory out of my brain-memory bank and it just came to me--a song out of the 70's I would hear from WLS out of Chicago when I lived in Champaign (got reception all those miles away on my little radio in my bedroom). I had given up at that point on classical violin and wanted to be part of the "fun" music that "everyone" was getting hip to. I now recall a movie and book (I read the book, didn't get through the movie) called Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

 "Helen Reddy--Delta Dawn Music Video". YazerPro. February 12, 2009.




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But DELTA DAWN (now realizing this title also has significant symbolism but won't go into that detail right now): the song that just popped into my brain and memory is not linked to my opinion of the male actor, the association came with all the videos on YouTube that are crazy fan stuff---obsessive/compulsive drooling for a celebrity, for example--and other ideas I won't write about in the personal domain.

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...and my 2nd association from floating but associated ties to the fan-base idolatry of celebrity brings to mind the great character of Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations--again, the book brings more detail but the film versions bring the character a bit to light. Ah, what a fantastic beast Miss Havisham has created in the general but perhaps forgotten literary and film landscape. This also has personal associations with the ideas floating through my mind of this weird situation foisted upon me with being teleported to "them"--as I watch the fan stuff on YouTube, the gossip and the posturing charitable photo-op stuff of the celebrities who couldn't give a damn about the issues unless it involves some kind of profit or fame for them and their most cherished careers. But Miss Havisham and Delta Dawn are both adoring the YouTube videos (featuring every day with a fan base of millions this most famous male/one who women kneel in devotion to, some women I mean. Also men, of course).


"Great Expectations 'Miss Havisham' Mertida Hunt, 1946". Cool Guy. May 28, 2017.



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...and this song comes to mind---not because of the NAME in the title but because of the song--(I had forgotten the title of the song and the name of the woman for whom Ms. Reddy is singing) but the weird crescent moon hanging over a dying swamp is the term I might use for the technologically obsessed---I heard this song out of Chicago, over 200 miles south in Champaign and I tried to understand it with a 12-year old mind but could not grasp the sordid waste of life that Ms. Reddy was singing about---the video, though, is quite the subliminal because in the first scene of a city scene is a most clear and defined phallic symbol building--almost clearly obscene--I think media is more adept at hiding such clues at this point. But it wasn't really meant or intended to be so hidden anyway---it has a direct bearing on this theme and of the not so veiled obsession with "big city" pipe dreams and men and love and media addiction devoid of reality---(or is addiction the ultimate reality?)


"Helen Reddy--Angie Baby Cartoon". LukeDuke908. February 19, 2012.



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But as a little aside: here's to Ms. Helen Reddy and her contribution to the real feminist marches, meetings and fights that women have had to undergo all these years of protest--I AM WOMAN

hear me roar, baby! Maybe? A lady? Shady? 

"I Am Woman--Helen Reddy". Sophie Othilla Ngo. January 18, 2013.


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"Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) clip". Films 411. September 20, 2016.






This brings back a very different memory of me and my grandmother marching in a protest to keep abortion legal. This march was in the streets of Phoenix, Arizona around the mid-late 80's. My grandmother and I had our arms around one another while marching amongst the protesters in the middle of a long train of women marching for abortion rights to continue. Strangely this was one of the few circumstances where me and my g-ma actually embraced for more than a few seconds (she was a bit distant and very controlling--maybe a bit like a Miss Havisham but in connubial bliss with my endearing grandfather who devoted his life and everything to her, and it was mutual but I know she cheated on him and he still loved her for it. They loved one another for more than 50 years like the best of friends and devoted to their deaths). She was loving but not a doting type (my mother called her a kind of "super bitch" personality). She kind of taught me the "hard way" not to get involved with the creeple that the Nazi organization flew into my path with my brain inundated with "gravy" mind control ooze mostly all my life. She kept admonishing me to pick better men but in a whiney way which kept me on my toes--endlessly looking for Mr. Goodbar and now I've given up on looking for the elusive ultimate deadly abuser fantasy (must see but mostly must read the book Looking for Mr. Goodbar to understand my drift, can you DIG IT?).

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"5 Easy Pieces--Stand By Your Man--Tammy Wynette". HD Film Tributes. June 22, 2021.




This song, and this movie 5 Easy Pieces come to mind in this miasma of memories associated with looking up celebrity fascination on the tube circuit pumped directly into your brain and heart---themes of feminism. Oddly, the woman who played the "feminist/independent" character who Mr. Nicholson lent one of his homes to, promising her that he would never kick her out, once she reached that untenable age he did, indeed kick her out. I don't know what happened to her since I assume she got over very well--maybe I'll look it up.... But the film 5 Easy Pieces is, in part, a depiction of the fantasy good girl wifey woman who dotes on her husband and every tear waiting to drop at the slightest hat falling the cliche perfect woman-as opposed to the 70's version of the New Independent Woman who could stand on her own (maybe to buy and purchase her own house? However now that I understand the good ole Mr. Goodbar Network I know that women being blocked from obtaining financial freedom is a thing and for real, dude. At least for me becuz I'm supposedly "dangerous" and very bad and the list of hate terms for me is endless according to the people using subliminals to drain my brain of all positive reinforcement about who an what I am--thus carried-on by the teleporting terrorist mind screw operators out of H-wood, the celebrities who seem to gain money from their exploits playing the freedom loving women but support male domination oppression to an extreme degree of violence when it comes to me, as they also participate in the violence, ostensibly to prove to the male-dominated media industry controlled, I assume, by men largely and the women who support misogynist woman-hating culture.

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"Tammy Wynette--Divorce (lyrics)".  Lee Westwick. September 6, 2012.





At least d-i-v-o-r-c-e is still legal....women who want independence still have a chance to not be as enslaved but mentally they remain cloistered and supporting cheerleaders for male abusive relationships---





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Politicians are relying on having me poisoned, beaten, raped and abused without end, day and night (to death as I fight for "Democracy" which NONE of the politicians gives a flying circus about only their promotions and deals and the money and media coverage, which this filthy whorewood group offers in exchange--quid pro quo. Attacked yesterday by yet another presidential hopeful whose partner attacked me with another presidential-type personality --has run, has been president, the list enlarges without end every year it's a line-up of people running for president or having been prez--or their spouses and partners as their token emmisaries of death and exploitation for this contract--this vile contract that still, no one will intervene for even the most basic of human rights. After YEARS OF THE ugly stinking filth of arnold shitnigger and this team of filth, hate ugliness the has-beens the losing-careers dying to rape and torture me as viciously as possibloe, day after day, to get my ideas to make movies out of--or just beating raping and abusing me shrill screaming to get lead roles--non-stop day after day it's another group, another shithead sick fuck---most of these ape scum are has-beens and clutching onto abusing me to death to get these roles. Shitnigger arnold is going to be put in charge of controlling this nazi media empire his fanatical nazi abuse structure is a learned sick ugly dirty foul experience for me and his training has been to ALWAYS incuilcate this into america--the german rat roach who joins in with him due to my mind control brainwashing drugged sickness from torture reaching out to anybody to get help as his facade when I met him 30 years ago was pretty transparent but in desperation and drugging I wrote a message to him--months a year of rape torture black nazis surrounding me black brown jews rushing to get his approval because once they get into this contract the nazis use them as the portals of influence. They instruct U.S. politicians WHAT TO DO AND SAY. This appears to bring the usual silence, a set of more youtube videos from jews, lawyers, constitutional lawyers also hacking their lectures, all calm, lots of money--seeing what is happening to me and keeping the secret but always speaking about the forces that somehow mysteriously lead to rump being put in office and this downfall of "Democracy". They remain silent and hack their goddamn fucking mealy mouthed bullshit onto my youtube as they do NOTHING but get published for their nice, cozy academic-style journalistic commentary bypassing fact, reality and the real reasons. ONe of them is me---directly this contract. //returning from having picked up items in the lobby such as bottled water---very tiresome--returning to debris sprinkled on my floor from the woman sweeping crap in front of me while I am walking down the corredor to the elevators. Black stains on my light blue blanket which I had to scrub, as I have been cleaning clothing and blankets non-stop due to arnold this filth fuck ugly sick scum shit nazi crap that NO ONE will get off me. They just revolve around the money these nazi bigot sleazy dirty mediocrity creeps spew around like the filth they are dumping their ugliness and hate on me for being talented enough--when not poisoned encumbered by poison paralyzed tortured abused my brain microchip implanted so they block brainwaves while I am in public, under attack and when writing so I can't recall words can't think clearly--and still--silence. //People just want to go back to only me being tortrured and discriminated against and then the rest of the people you all want to see "crushed" who may or may not be talented enough to get out of the shit rut you all concoted so you can all claim only you are capable of doing much of "importance" in the country and in the world. Stinking filth sprayed perpetually non-stop from this filth scum arnold shit fuck scum creep---but you revere this ugly sick filthy fuck the people rush at me after this dirty filth raped me from behind after saying NO for about 4 years or longer he's just clutching at me for his nasty "career". I wonder what he will do to other "Jews" in the media and anyone who doesn't like being humiliated as the routine of pushing Jews down, wiith blacks and other jews rushing to prove how violent they are as lynch mob nazi gestappo partners next to their blonde white trash shit who sit back smug their puppets all obey orders and attack viciously upon cue. I fight them as the smug ugly pig rat apes smirk and watch me fight literally day after day to wear me down. More grey hair, more exhaustion when I need desperately to heal and have positive healin energy. Every day they inflict death and homelessness in these deep sleep teleportation skits. For years they had people rape my body, put my spine and hips out of alignment and then poison drug steal my money and poison my food and then insert fungus and sewage water and semen into my vagina into my bladder--and into my hair (semen and fungus). Every night for years as I fought to heal and was dying while all the shit creeps I have mentioned rushed routintely like clockwork to get ideas, torturing ideas out of me, threatening me with concentration camp nazi murder for saying no to anything as I fought and fought now over 15 years without end. My body completely scarred. But the aforementioned damage was done before I spent literally months pounding hooks into plastic type cabinets agonizing for my spine and body---to try to stop the endless onslaught of mechanical arms inflicting damage into my body from behind and my property--behind all the cabinets lining the walls from floor to ceiling all have removable panels in which these mechanical arms jut into my room in unbelievably sophisticated stealth ways. Tiny and thin, top military-grade professional.//but ugly sinister shitnigger is just having his minions spray constantly stinking filth on everything I wear, while I am sleeping on my sleep wear on my blankets on my sheets on the bed and then after I clean they spray again. This filth that filthy ugly dirty sick fuck orders is permanently staining. I have piles of rags on my patio from the endless pieces of clothing I have had to throw away due to the stench just permeating the fabric. WHEN THE FUCK DOES THIS SICK GODDAMN INCOMPETENT GOVERNMENT EVER STOP THIS FILTH BEING SPRAYED AND POURED INTO MY BODY AND HOME AND LIFE? every fu cking politician in the spotlight rushes to abuse me viciously sneering jeering threatening my life and then getting openings to run for president--like clockwork once again.

  Dirty, sinister disgusting shitnegger is ordering also other damages without end--my carry cart for lugging around all the items that I ca...