Sunday, March 20, 2022

There's one of the celebrities who I occasionally do a search engine thang for just becuz it's a bit fun (is it healthy?). I use this as a thermometer of sorts for my situation. But my brain, being under such ominously distorted states due to external forces, picked up this memory out of my brain-memory bank and it just came to me--a song out of the 70's I would hear from WLS out of Chicago when I lived in Champaign (got reception all those miles away on my little radio in my bedroom). I had given up at that point on classical violin and wanted to be part of the "fun" music that "everyone" was getting hip to. I now recall a movie and book (I read the book, didn't get through the movie) called Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

 "Helen Reddy--Delta Dawn Music Video". YazerPro. February 12, 2009.




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But DELTA DAWN (now realizing this title also has significant symbolism but won't go into that detail right now): the song that just popped into my brain and memory is not linked to my opinion of the male actor, the association came with all the videos on YouTube that are crazy fan stuff---obsessive/compulsive drooling for a celebrity, for example--and other ideas I won't write about in the personal domain.

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...and my 2nd association from floating but associated ties to the fan-base idolatry of celebrity brings to mind the great character of Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations--again, the book brings more detail but the film versions bring the character a bit to light. Ah, what a fantastic beast Miss Havisham has created in the general but perhaps forgotten literary and film landscape. This also has personal associations with the ideas floating through my mind of this weird situation foisted upon me with being teleported to "them"--as I watch the fan stuff on YouTube, the gossip and the posturing charitable photo-op stuff of the celebrities who couldn't give a damn about the issues unless it involves some kind of profit or fame for them and their most cherished careers. But Miss Havisham and Delta Dawn are both adoring the YouTube videos (featuring every day with a fan base of millions this most famous male/one who women kneel in devotion to, some women I mean. Also men, of course).


"Great Expectations 'Miss Havisham' Mertida Hunt, 1946". Cool Guy. May 28, 2017.



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...and this song comes to mind---not because of the NAME in the title but because of the song--(I had forgotten the title of the song and the name of the woman for whom Ms. Reddy is singing) but the weird crescent moon hanging over a dying swamp is the term I might use for the technologically obsessed---I heard this song out of Chicago, over 200 miles south in Champaign and I tried to understand it with a 12-year old mind but could not grasp the sordid waste of life that Ms. Reddy was singing about---the video, though, is quite the subliminal because in the first scene of a city scene is a most clear and defined phallic symbol building--almost clearly obscene--I think media is more adept at hiding such clues at this point. But it wasn't really meant or intended to be so hidden anyway---it has a direct bearing on this theme and of the not so veiled obsession with "big city" pipe dreams and men and love and media addiction devoid of reality---(or is addiction the ultimate reality?)


"Helen Reddy--Angie Baby Cartoon". LukeDuke908. February 19, 2012.



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But as a little aside: here's to Ms. Helen Reddy and her contribution to the real feminist marches, meetings and fights that women have had to undergo all these years of protest--I AM WOMAN

hear me roar, baby! Maybe? A lady? Shady? 

"I Am Woman--Helen Reddy". Sophie Othilla Ngo. January 18, 2013.


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"Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) clip". Films 411. September 20, 2016.






This brings back a very different memory of me and my grandmother marching in a protest to keep abortion legal. This march was in the streets of Phoenix, Arizona around the mid-late 80's. My grandmother and I had our arms around one another while marching amongst the protesters in the middle of a long train of women marching for abortion rights to continue. Strangely this was one of the few circumstances where me and my g-ma actually embraced for more than a few seconds (she was a bit distant and very controlling--maybe a bit like a Miss Havisham but in connubial bliss with my endearing grandfather who devoted his life and everything to her, and it was mutual but I know she cheated on him and he still loved her for it. They loved one another for more than 50 years like the best of friends and devoted to their deaths). She was loving but not a doting type (my mother called her a kind of "super bitch" personality). She kind of taught me the "hard way" not to get involved with the creeple that the Nazi organization flew into my path with my brain inundated with "gravy" mind control ooze mostly all my life. She kept admonishing me to pick better men but in a whiney way which kept me on my toes--endlessly looking for Mr. Goodbar and now I've given up on looking for the elusive ultimate deadly abuser fantasy (must see but mostly must read the book Looking for Mr. Goodbar to understand my drift, can you DIG IT?).

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"5 Easy Pieces--Stand By Your Man--Tammy Wynette". HD Film Tributes. June 22, 2021.




This song, and this movie 5 Easy Pieces come to mind in this miasma of memories associated with looking up celebrity fascination on the tube circuit pumped directly into your brain and heart---themes of feminism. Oddly, the woman who played the "feminist/independent" character who Mr. Nicholson lent one of his homes to, promising her that he would never kick her out, once she reached that untenable age he did, indeed kick her out. I don't know what happened to her since I assume she got over very well--maybe I'll look it up.... But the film 5 Easy Pieces is, in part, a depiction of the fantasy good girl wifey woman who dotes on her husband and every tear waiting to drop at the slightest hat falling the cliche perfect woman-as opposed to the 70's version of the New Independent Woman who could stand on her own (maybe to buy and purchase her own house? However now that I understand the good ole Mr. Goodbar Network I know that women being blocked from obtaining financial freedom is a thing and for real, dude. At least for me becuz I'm supposedly "dangerous" and very bad and the list of hate terms for me is endless according to the people using subliminals to drain my brain of all positive reinforcement about who an what I am--thus carried-on by the teleporting terrorist mind screw operators out of H-wood, the celebrities who seem to gain money from their exploits playing the freedom loving women but support male domination oppression to an extreme degree of violence when it comes to me, as they also participate in the violence, ostensibly to prove to the male-dominated media industry controlled, I assume, by men largely and the women who support misogynist woman-hating culture.

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"Tammy Wynette--Divorce (lyrics)".  Lee Westwick. September 6, 2012.





At least d-i-v-o-r-c-e is still legal....women who want independence still have a chance to not be as enslaved but mentally they remain cloistered and supporting cheerleaders for male abusive relationships---





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Extreme drugging/nervous system attacks via implants along my spine & into my brain--8 hours of literal non-stop abuse from this English And nazi team of another senator from congress, the same rape enabler who is the front-runner face of anti-violence against women and me2 rape culture to oust the jewish weinstein so her company and the rest can overtake h-wood --antisemitism so openly expressed that obviously Nazis and virulent racists are behind this contract out on me. My brother stating that only I will experience violence, with his full participation and that Germans are trustworthy not racists it can't happen to him. for using sexual and physical violence against me instantly after more than 30 years of never having seen him, never contacting him except for him smirking about a situation the nazis forced on me, he is lunging at me to gain more promotions and allowance to get everything for free for handing me over to murder, essentially. Me, drugged so badly I cannot stop reacting to every question, hours of asking me for ideas as the English scriptwriters and director and the endless leech parasite this ugly sinister putrid creep female who is endlessly pushing violent beef-body-build "men" out of europ-a-land to violently rape me, the more abusive and humiliating the more they are praised and awarded; she is the representative for the United Nations and for Chuck Schumer in all legislation against rape and domestic violence against women. Put deliberately there really to give permission for rape if it's racist-based rather than anything else. beloved so greatly by the grateful rapist thugs surrounding her, the minority minions lavishing praise making antisemitic comments at me--Jews in particular are very hostile and laughing smirking it can only happen to me, not them. The drugs are so insidious that are injected pumped into my bladder while I sleep--must get up every night to alleviate what they inject so I am drugged--it is a nasty horrific murderous chemical and drug forcing hate, along with extreme shifts of my brainwaves I can't even control my breathing--my entire spine is coated in hard chemicals in which microchip implants directly affecting my spine are buried from the 3 complete surgeries I have had---(the hardening poisons made my spine crooked, the terrorists fractured my vertebrae while I was unconscious after they orchestrated mostly harmless "accidents' and in the deep brain implant state, I am rendered completely unconscious and unable to feel anything (drugged to the extreme the next morning with pain killers and numbing chemicals). 8 hours another day of this ongoing with me finally screaming in rage fighting and hitting the people responsible for this--the senator who came years ago to abuse yell fascistically at me, now threatening my life for having rushed to physicall attack him after shouting to go away go away go away. They all remain until I rush at them lunging in fury. The dirty nasty sick female who is connected to the English monarchy has been relegated to bring every fascist nazi english abuser and hater to assault me possible in the celebrity zone, there are so many---all are clamoring to get this contract and to participate from all minorities in congress who rush at me violently to white supremacist congress haters--this one very close to the source of much discontent for those slated to be excluded from life in general---very pompous about his entitlement to torture have me raped and poisoned, they all are. My brother smug and behaving like I am still being beaten and abused by him at the age of 14 when I left the hate situation my family had adopted because my mother was trying to get "in" with an "Italian" but American married man, the "Italians" in this tiny family-controlled cul-de-sac had installed mircophone relay systems so they could listen to my family abuse me (this was in 1978 before the internet) my brother was so violent I phoned the police and left that house the next day--forever. I saw him a few times, I had the blank mind controlled drugged assumption that he had "grown up" but alas, he lives in the perpetual abuse state having ensured I am stuck everywhere I go as he is promoted for endlessly ensuring my destruction, lack of health care. My family offered me an inheritance in a creep way 2 years ago, I saved the money but declined to have any further contract with them as they were abusive just in connecting me to the lawyers distributing the inheritance (I got the absolute lowest amount of all members)--and this they used to have social security cut off my income and it's been off for 6 months while I am fighting to have it reinstated and they worked with the 4th Reich to have this done. I was screaming at him in rage, as the hate parasitic rape cheerleader who is beloved by all senators presidents her sleazy and disgusting 16 years of stealing my ideas so her blank and hateful lack of personality can be embellished by my years and lifetime of reading and study, so that nazi white supremacy can appear like it has originality and any kind of creativity outside of endless repetition of murder revenge and upcommance plots which they rotate every year in their awards categories, until they latched on to stealing my ideas, and now torturing me as I scream ideas because they are so revolting their image their ugly sinister presence is so revolting--and I cannot stop responding instantly to their endless probing questions intermixed with extremew murder threats and then inquisitive questions and every thing I do, from going to the bathroom eating taking healing powders all my exercises for healing I created they are stealing and using as their own invention; so much that I do is original and not a copy I learned, they are stealing torturing and asking for ideaws literally non-stop. I cannot stop talking I can't stop responding. the drugs, my body is like enmeshed in not being able to breathe independently the technology and drug interface is so overwhelming. The smug and smirking dirty ugly sick skank sits smiling as I scream and fight for the 2nd year in a row of literal daily screaming and rage at English hate bigots assaulting me for over 8 hours per day--0the rapist who beat tortured and mutilated me, has had my plants killed is threatening my life then making sleazy sexual comments, sitting next to this foul and dirty ugly sick creep skank always they are partners probably as with all the men who rape me she tries to suck my life force energy out by having sex with them as well. Some of them at least--they sit next together all the men who rape me next to her, after she has had me poisoned nearly to death, still fighting to heal every day. My body aging rapidly she is laughing, the men make endless sneering comments about my breasts while I am naked as they sit for hours watching and commenting on all I do. Once i finally "break" after the 6-8 hour mark of literal non-stop literally every single second for over 6 to 8 hours without a moment of them shutting up for one single second with death trhreats abuse insults and probing questions I scream finally to shut up and die I scream hit them rush violently. It is torture and the senators are smug threatening to kill me constantly for lunging at them screaming to get off me to fuck off that they have already been killing me via poisoning and torture for years. It goes on and on. I might be able to "ignore' them if they were not drugging me so severely and my body racked with implants along my spine forcing a reaction that overwhelms my breathing and concentration--the implants are definitely in my brain and along my spine---without a doubt they force my muscles to spasm while people are slamming doors--the effect is unmistakable and has happened for years in this same sequence I do not flinch at noises like this, it is artificially created generated and forced upon me. They are so ugly and appear so rancid rotten stupid ugly and sick I scream that they are disgusting that I never want anything like them around me not for a minute much less 8-10 hours per day,e very day, then stupid sick teleportation skits of hate death and homelessness and me being abused, being put in stupid situations in an "edit" mode so I am waking to being in some negative situation in the middle of a posture I never created, like a movie edit stopping and starting my consciousness can be started and stopped with a press of a button in that state.//I am trying to work a way to not be overwhelmed, because these filthy sick creeps are meaningless scum in my opinion but I react as if I can't stop, and I literally cannot. //I ordered a music player and they blocked everything possible for every music player--this one supposedly came with no memory but they had it jacked-up so the memory is invisible but it is hacked and is turned off remotely like all the rest of the players they continue the death and torture deep sleep states. My body is aging my hair greying my body withering because of the energy this ugly sick skank sucks out smiriking and laughing. They keep asking me for ideas then destroying my finances so I have nothing. I am still waiting for the decision from social security whether my disability payments will be reinstated or not. They lied to me for 6 months, my family had my inheritance taken away and then my disability as well; this was a ploy it was not some random accident and they just arrived when I was being violently raped by the last lrapist from europigapeland with ugly skankalina presiding as they "made love" to each other sitting next to one another attacking me mutually--now it's the next one, the same thing but his English is much better so his verbal abuse is for 10 hours or more per day--endless extreme violent threats, violent abusive ugly rape, supposedly implying that I "deserve" it for fighting to save my life from this. My brother doing everything he can to protect the 4th Reich and that only I wil lbe a victim of any racism never he. I went into, in truth serum drugged torture microchip enhanced stress hate truth serum mode how nazis are definitely pursuing another genocide against jews and in america they want to pour in and create nazification of the already nazified and ocmpletely overtaken america by europigape nazi filth, and I am trying to quell this as much as possible. The denial is pure stupidity this ugly sinister creep I want nothing to do with, he creeps me out I am so disgusted by him it's a visceral reaction of disgust--and his smug pomposity that he's going to get more and more and more out of murdering me smiling stupid sick ignorant--denying that nazis are taking power that they want to destroy jews. I keep shouting how stupid he is, he threatens to break my arms. If there is, as I said today, any person the most violently and murderously inclined towards me it will be my family--as they are so groomed to murder me and have been working to achieve this with full applause endless promotions money poured into them as being symbols of jewish nazi partnership---they are the most threatening and the most dangerous--and so sick and stupid it's unbelievable trying to explain how they are putting nazis into power who will take away their homes if they want lebensraum--all I say they deny and shout with whining insult that I am stupid--I remind them that I lived in Germany for over 5 years because they were trying to kill me by having a metal rod made loose in my spine so my uncle bill could get "permission" to publish his gay magazine echo in Phoenix so they had me body fractured so I had no choice but to return to them, asking for help and health care--they made sure I got nothing they tried to put me in prison for a charge of theft of jewelry (I had no car, the situation was at night miles away from me with no car and buses all stopped and etc) and they had just killed the italian american mafia thug my mother had married talking the same night he died on the day he was leaving her and the house they had jointly purchased he wanted to save since he poured the bulk of the deposit from his money--and etc.. in a murder frenzy they were--I left with a metal rod loose in my spine and had to try to survive this until I left america for germany in 1991--I told him that i had to go to germany for years to try to survive the last murder attempt they had made on me, and I speak german lived around germans only speaking german met nazis know their mentality they have not changed their edicts to kill all jews and jews in america are a target. Told I was a stupid bitch death threats and it can't happen to him, only to be because i'm a "bitch" etc my disgusting brother and his nasty spawn brought to torment me, completely programmed to ask me "why" germans are intent on another genocide, which I said to him a few days ago, he was given a script for what to repeat so the english fuckers sitting on those chairs could steal the screaming ideas I spewed out unable to stop reacting--smug ugly shitalina smiriking adn smug the violent abusive fardy the tom actor not a cat or cool sitting next to his "Lover" as I know that is the endless program of dirty energy leech shitalina--and it goes on and on> I am trying to not react bvut when I do react after the 6 hour mark I become violent to get them off me, then they all threaten my life and it goes on and on--information and ideas they are taking down as I scream them and scream and fight. My hair turning white my body aging and breaking it's murder. I am still paralyzed from the poison they all poured into my body as they had the poison raped into my body and then torture so I can't heal--it's murder.