Sunday, March 20, 2022

There's one of the celebrities who I occasionally do a search engine thang for just becuz it's a bit fun (is it healthy?). I use this as a thermometer of sorts for my situation. But my brain, being under such ominously distorted states due to external forces, picked up this memory out of my brain-memory bank and it just came to me--a song out of the 70's I would hear from WLS out of Chicago when I lived in Champaign (got reception all those miles away on my little radio in my bedroom). I had given up at that point on classical violin and wanted to be part of the "fun" music that "everyone" was getting hip to. I now recall a movie and book (I read the book, didn't get through the movie) called Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

 "Helen Reddy--Delta Dawn Music Video". YazerPro. February 12, 2009.




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But DELTA DAWN (now realizing this title also has significant symbolism but won't go into that detail right now): the song that just popped into my brain and memory is not linked to my opinion of the male actor, the association came with all the videos on YouTube that are crazy fan stuff---obsessive/compulsive drooling for a celebrity, for example--and other ideas I won't write about in the personal domain.

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...and my 2nd association from floating but associated ties to the fan-base idolatry of celebrity brings to mind the great character of Miss Havisham from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations--again, the book brings more detail but the film versions bring the character a bit to light. Ah, what a fantastic beast Miss Havisham has created in the general but perhaps forgotten literary and film landscape. This also has personal associations with the ideas floating through my mind of this weird situation foisted upon me with being teleported to "them"--as I watch the fan stuff on YouTube, the gossip and the posturing charitable photo-op stuff of the celebrities who couldn't give a damn about the issues unless it involves some kind of profit or fame for them and their most cherished careers. But Miss Havisham and Delta Dawn are both adoring the YouTube videos (featuring every day with a fan base of millions this most famous male/one who women kneel in devotion to, some women I mean. Also men, of course).


"Great Expectations 'Miss Havisham' Mertida Hunt, 1946". Cool Guy. May 28, 2017.



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...and this song comes to mind---not because of the NAME in the title but because of the song--(I had forgotten the title of the song and the name of the woman for whom Ms. Reddy is singing) but the weird crescent moon hanging over a dying swamp is the term I might use for the technologically obsessed---I heard this song out of Chicago, over 200 miles south in Champaign and I tried to understand it with a 12-year old mind but could not grasp the sordid waste of life that Ms. Reddy was singing about---the video, though, is quite the subliminal because in the first scene of a city scene is a most clear and defined phallic symbol building--almost clearly obscene--I think media is more adept at hiding such clues at this point. But it wasn't really meant or intended to be so hidden anyway---it has a direct bearing on this theme and of the not so veiled obsession with "big city" pipe dreams and men and love and media addiction devoid of reality---(or is addiction the ultimate reality?)


"Helen Reddy--Angie Baby Cartoon". LukeDuke908. February 19, 2012.



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But as a little aside: here's to Ms. Helen Reddy and her contribution to the real feminist marches, meetings and fights that women have had to undergo all these years of protest--I AM WOMAN

hear me roar, baby! Maybe? A lady? Shady? 

"I Am Woman--Helen Reddy". Sophie Othilla Ngo. January 18, 2013.


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"Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) clip". Films 411. September 20, 2016.






This brings back a very different memory of me and my grandmother marching in a protest to keep abortion legal. This march was in the streets of Phoenix, Arizona around the mid-late 80's. My grandmother and I had our arms around one another while marching amongst the protesters in the middle of a long train of women marching for abortion rights to continue. Strangely this was one of the few circumstances where me and my g-ma actually embraced for more than a few seconds (she was a bit distant and very controlling--maybe a bit like a Miss Havisham but in connubial bliss with my endearing grandfather who devoted his life and everything to her, and it was mutual but I know she cheated on him and he still loved her for it. They loved one another for more than 50 years like the best of friends and devoted to their deaths). She was loving but not a doting type (my mother called her a kind of "super bitch" personality). She kind of taught me the "hard way" not to get involved with the creeple that the Nazi organization flew into my path with my brain inundated with "gravy" mind control ooze mostly all my life. She kept admonishing me to pick better men but in a whiney way which kept me on my toes--endlessly looking for Mr. Goodbar and now I've given up on looking for the elusive ultimate deadly abuser fantasy (must see but mostly must read the book Looking for Mr. Goodbar to understand my drift, can you DIG IT?).

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"5 Easy Pieces--Stand By Your Man--Tammy Wynette". HD Film Tributes. June 22, 2021.




This song, and this movie 5 Easy Pieces come to mind in this miasma of memories associated with looking up celebrity fascination on the tube circuit pumped directly into your brain and heart---themes of feminism. Oddly, the woman who played the "feminist/independent" character who Mr. Nicholson lent one of his homes to, promising her that he would never kick her out, once she reached that untenable age he did, indeed kick her out. I don't know what happened to her since I assume she got over very well--maybe I'll look it up.... But the film 5 Easy Pieces is, in part, a depiction of the fantasy good girl wifey woman who dotes on her husband and every tear waiting to drop at the slightest hat falling the cliche perfect woman-as opposed to the 70's version of the New Independent Woman who could stand on her own (maybe to buy and purchase her own house? However now that I understand the good ole Mr. Goodbar Network I know that women being blocked from obtaining financial freedom is a thing and for real, dude. At least for me becuz I'm supposedly "dangerous" and very bad and the list of hate terms for me is endless according to the people using subliminals to drain my brain of all positive reinforcement about who an what I am--thus carried-on by the teleporting terrorist mind screw operators out of H-wood, the celebrities who seem to gain money from their exploits playing the freedom loving women but support male domination oppression to an extreme degree of violence when it comes to me, as they also participate in the violence, ostensibly to prove to the male-dominated media industry controlled, I assume, by men largely and the women who support misogynist woman-hating culture.

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"Tammy Wynette--Divorce (lyrics)".  Lee Westwick. September 6, 2012.





At least d-i-v-o-r-c-e is still legal....women who want independence still have a chance to not be as enslaved but mentally they remain cloistered and supporting cheerleaders for male abusive relationships---





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The stress to my body from literal 3/4 of a day and night combined being spent fighting sinister, grasping, beady-eyed hateful parasitic abusers who are lunging at me to get endless free promotions, which are never-ending this social engineering contract has no limits and no bounds. The destruction to my health literally just from stress alone is murder. Besides shitting stinking black and brown piles and hard pieces of poison out which pollute my bloodstream--I literally faint, pass-out on my bed from the horrific poison which is coursing through my lymphatic system, kidneys and liver and bloodstream going into my brain, where the implants in my brain have created a tube network of hard poisons coursing down in hard filaments and tubes into my neck, the vertebrae is lined with attached tubes integrated into the vertebrae extending in literally all directions--I must strive to fracture the hard poisons so they will slowly loosen and then expand about 6-10 times their shrunken size--and then the poisons seep into my body as I faint on my bed--while in this prone position the terrorists utilize my body's vulnerability and slash under my cuticles and literally cut them off my toes. A few weeks ago the cuticle bed was completely cut off (permanently it was severed off) while I had collapsed in such a state, unable to move from toxic shock and also the pain of hard poisons ripping muscle and skin tissue out of the interior cavity of my body in the thoracic, lumbar and vertebrae regions; in effect my entire spine if affected the muscles are at cellular level ripped out with the poisons which have attached to tissue, skin and bone and also into my intestines and brain and etc. The terrorists order their minions to slash, cut parts of my body out, as they inflict torture skits while I am deep sleep healing mode--death skits, homeless skits, insulting "dumbing" skits aimed at me endlessly. My body exhibits signs of premature aging, grey thin hair, balding from chemicals smeared into my scalp for years and decades to damage my formerly lustrous hair. My skin dotted with blemishes from poisons slahered onto my skin my hands are huge deformed the cuticles are gone from maybe 3 fingers, completely. the nails hang off, are calloused and the toe nails which have had the cuticles removed (in this past month, they severed completely off the cuticle from my right left toe which has been broken; it's not a bunion it's been broken and that happened after I made a drugged-up- comment about a nazi white male out of denmark who, along with a famous "punk" musician out of england, who has routinely hacked his music into my all-female punk lists on youtube, is endlessly trying to scam his promotion out of attacking me; but both musicians attacked me on the same day because I clicked on their music, assuming that their stances about fighting conformist authoritarianism was also directed at me, as a universal person on this planet and not just their nazi white "alternative" branch___one however was an open nazi and in my drugged and enraged anger about the rise of nazism in general and from years of being violently assaulted nearing murder where I am currently living, a huge population of euro tourists so I know their imperialistic impulses and what they truly are when the are on vacation and brown people service them like slaves, almost literally and very plantation-like. They don't have to pretend to go to church or conform to "democracy" standards, in other words. they had me in an accident by having a work truck on the steep hill outside of my living arrangement, and there was a tiny trickle of a clear liquid which appeared like water as I was driving down this 45-degree angle hillside down towards the road (which always becomes extremely busy only when I am trying to get out of the complex and there are no cars before or after I approach this junction so the orchestrated exact timing of cars driving into my path only happens at the exact moment I am at the bottom of the hill---so I must perpetually brake at a very tight angle but after I get out of this junction there are always no cars, and it's always a packed jam of cars blocking my path only when I am driving down otherwise I would be able to navigate easily without having to brake and hold the bike at a fourty_five degree angle (right now hackers have turned the wIfi off, have blocked access to commas and periods and numbers ). the workmen had created a stream of oil---so that the bike literally slid into a crashing position nearing the bottom of the hillside so that the inevitable line of *terrorist* cars always blocking my smooth descent were there while I was sliding and crashing in a sideways projectile. I landed on my left foot, and it hurt a bit but I otherwise was ok, the foot was not injured because I was wearing boots--I went home later that day and at night fell asleep---woke up with the toe completely at a 45-degree angle pointing into my other foot--like at night nothing wrong, the next morning the toe completely disjointed. this was after rotten the punk out of england threatened me after he began his snobby imperialistic white male supremacy english antisemitic gig, his german wife somewhere in the background or watching or knowing about this obviously---I reacted in anger. I am always in these situations drugged so as to render me in a hyperbolic state and knee-jerk reaction which always gives the terrorists an excuse to inflict real violence upon me to justify their white male supremacy (or female or any other skin color they all are told that this is "master-slave" and to inflict all "You have no rights" actions against me). Thusly they broke my to I was in a deep and uncontrollably non_waking state because of this wretched brain implant which the herd of terrorists always love to exploit to inflict violence< torture< to force discrediting behavior on me, and thusly to force subliminals into my brain which under pressure I cannot control, which I repeat< which they all use to justify real life-threatening violence against me. thusly it was either the danish black metal death metal nazi or the english "punk" who ordered this on me, but the real reason was to justify their promotions by using this tech to render people discredited so they can hiss in faked rage "She said this who does she think she is?" they all sneer in hate, white supremacy justifying near-murder knee-jerk reactions which they are then handed every promotion that can possibly be handed according to their level of proficiency in their realm (some are like in past their prime, for example)

  Every single day I am being tortured to death. Slowly, albeit quickly as they get into a frenzy of hate which finally seeps into my consci...